Whenever life gets too heavy to handle I can go to the ocean and there find peace for my soul. Sometimes my life feels like someone took a deck of cards and threw them up in the air. The events in my life then seem to be determined by where the cards land.

One such time was during the nine months my mother was dying. I was working full time when she  fell ill. She lost her eyesight overnight and her ability to walk was diminished. The doctors diagnosed her with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and multiple sclerosis. As a result she was on 17 different medications.

I arose early every morning and woke her up to take her morning meds. Then I prepared her breakfast and lunch. I put out her medications based upon when she needed to take them and left her a couple of snacks to help her get through the day. Giving her a kiss and wishing her a good day I would head out the door to work. She insisted on staying home by herself and refused to let me bring someone in to sit with her. This was very stressful to me because I spent my days worrying about her.

After a full day of work I would head over to my daughter’s apartment to check on her. She was pregnant with my second grandchild and having a tough time carrying the baby. It took much prayer for her to carry him to full term. I would make sure that she was ok and see if she needed anything. Mostly I was there to reassure her that all would be well and to encourage her in her marriage.

Heading home I often prayed for strength to complete the day. Upon arriving home I would cook our meal, wash the dishes, and help mom shower when she wanted to do so. Then we would sit and watch TV until bedtime. Sometimes we would talk but most often she would doze while we watched TV.

There were many nights that she would get up to go to the bathroom and get stuck with her walker. She would lose patience with me because I would talk her out of the jam by telling her which way to turn the walker. She wanted me to just move the walker for her but I told her that it was best for me to talk her out of these situations because she was alone during the day and she needed to know how to get out by herself.

The only way I could often relax was to listen to the sounds of the ocean on a sound machine. I would do this every night during this stressful time. I even did this during times of prayer.

My grandson was born safe and sound in March. I felt particularly blessed to be there for his birth because I almost died of pneumonia in January myself.  His birth eased some of the stress but not the busyness. Now I was stopping by my daughter’s place so that I could visit my grandson for a few minutes each night.

My mom passed away in September. Before she did I had to battle with the hospital staff and the nursing home which did not care for her as I did.

One of the first things we did after a period of grieving was go to the beach. There standing beside the ocean and listening to the roaring waves I was reminded we are not alone. The God of the universe who created such an expansive body of water and controlled the crashing waves was still the Master of my life. When all those cards were floating in the air, He knew where each one was and where it would land. He gave me what I needed to handle each situation as it arose and He still does today.